Mental Landscapes of Malla: Status – Rehabilitator
Malla Laakso-Nyström’s blog series “ Mental Landscapes of Malla” shares thoughts and experiences of rehabilitation at Lapinlahden Lähde. In the third part, Malla reflects on the status of rehabilitation in today’s Finland.
This is how I am defined in the papers of Kela, the TE Office and doctors. Rehabilitated. I am a list of different diagnoses, symptoms and Latin words. Sometimes I feel as if all kinds of risk assessments and SWOT analyses have been carried out on me and the viability of treatment has been considered, at least in terms of my ability to work. My quality of life does not seem to interest the authors of these statements and papers at all.
Often, the decisive factor in rehabilitation seems to be the remaining ability to work. It is the factor on which my value is calculated when decisions are made on whether to grant rehabilitation. This is something that I criticise, despite the fact that work is a big part of my life and provides me with a livelihood. However, I think that work is not the measure of our dignity or quality of life.
In the Library of Health, a rehabilitant is defined as:
“1. a person who needs to increase or maintain his or her functional capacity to cope with activities of daily living to his or her satisfaction, 2. a person who, because of illness or disability, needs and seeks or uses rehabilitation services to maintain or restore work or functional capacity.”
I am rehabilitation-minded and motivated to rehabilitate, i.e. a rehabilitator. However, I am first and foremost Malla. I am a person who wants to improve my quality of life and overall well-being by rehabilitating from the illness and disability that has affected me. I want to participate in the world of work, to be part of the work community and to work according to my values. But work is not my whole life. It is part of my life.
“Sometimes I’m totally tired and bored of the whole thing”
When I fell ill, I felt a range of emotions about losing my ability to work and my job. But there are other things in my life that affect the quality of my life. My functional capacity has improved since last year because of the rehabilitative activities I have actively undertaken and the rehabilitation I have received. I had to do a considerable amount of work to get rehabilitation, despite the fact that my injury was caused on the operating table for reasons beyond my control.
The improvement in my ability to function is the sum of many things, but I don’t think I would have got this far without the rehabilitation I received. There’s still a long way to go, but I’m happy with every step I’ve taken forward. However, I am permanently ill and part of my rehabilitation is learning to live with my illness and disability and the chronic pain that comes with it. It is a process in itself. And rehabilitation is not always steps forward, it is sometimes two steps forward and three steps back. There are good periods and not so good periods.
Sometimes the good and bad moments change on a daily basis. Sometimes I’m totally tired and bored with the whole thing. I let myself feel this way too. Then I move on. I think that as your ability to function improves, so does your ability to work. I would like rehabilitation to be thought of as a whole and not just as a factor in restoring work capacity.
When life comes to a standstill as a result of a serious illness or injury, that is the latest time to think about what is important in life. This also has an impact on future rehabilitation. What kind of life is it possible to live with an illness or disability? What kind of work is it possible to do? What do I want from my life? What kind of rehabilitation do I need? How will I manage financially if I can only work part-time?
Change has happened the moment the illness or disability is diagnosed. There is no going back to the past. It is a time of giving up and with it, orientation to a new situation. You have to be able to cope with bureaucracy and seek rehabilitation, whether you have the resources or not.
“I have noticed my laughter echoing through the corridors of the old hospital building more and more often”
Serious illness or injury often means that a person is quickly torn away from a familiar and safe pattern. Resistance to change may surface, and part of the rehabilitation process is also about coming to terms psychologically with what has happened. Becoming ill or disabled is not a choice, like buying a new home. Resistance to change is, I think, more than normal in these situations. At some point, however, it is necessary to tear oneself away from the familiar hell and head for an unknown heaven. Towards the new.
These days I think of it as a chance to see life with new eyes. It hasn’t been easy for me, it has taken confidence and faith in the future, both of which took a knock when I fell ill. But I think it was necessary to break away, otherwise you are held back by the past and you can’t move on.
I have moments of sadness about my illness and the constant pain of my injury, but my life is now filled with more moments of joy than sadness. I have access to vocational rehabilitation, and now I can be part of a work community in Lapinlahti that is full of understanding and tolerance. Kindness towards each other. I have found my laughter echoing through the corridors of the old hospital building more and more often. Work is not my whole life, but it plays a part in my overall well-being.
What will I become in the future? No one knows, myself included, but every day spent at Lapinlahti Lähde has changed me. Little by little. The people, the atmosphere and the insanely beautiful nature have made me whole. I have started to remember things from before I got sick.
The illness and the big surgery took a lot of my resources, so I was nervous about starting the work experience. What if I’m not enough? Especially for myself? After a few months here, I’ve realised that I’m enough just the way I am, even if sometimes the number of events and people has made my head spin. But the things I’ve learned have started to come back to me. The idea that I can still do it and that I can still do it has been reinforced. I don’t feel that I am thought of as a rehabber here. I am Malla here.
There are all kinds of people who are rehabilitated, people who are rehabilitating. There are different levels of need for rehabilitation. People come from different backgrounds and react in different ways. People have different levels of resilience, support networks and financial capacity for rehabilitation. There is no comparison between people in rehabilitation. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses. Above all, we are people, not a list of diagnoses and symptoms. We are people from whom we can learn something important if we are listened to and not seen as a cost. I think I can turn my illness and disability into a strength. I know myself better than the average person knows themselves. I have faced myself in every way.
The colourful autumn leaves colour the trees and the courtyard of the old hospital in Lapinlahti. I am enjoying the fresh air and the beautiful view. I am here and now. An incredible journey behind me, new adventures ahead.
– Malla –
